folder Filed in Thoughts
This Is My Life.
Edward Suhadi comment 0 Comments

I made a deal with this friend of mine a long time ago.

He will be with me everywhere I go. Whatever decision I make, I need to call him first to make sure it is okay. And whatever action that I am going to take, he should be consulted.

His name is Feelings. A lot of his friends just call him Mood.

It was a pretty good deal, because he is quite knowledgeable in these things. He’s full of wisdom and he often times leads me to the right path. Also my actions were more effortless when I know he agrees to what I am going to do.

But there’s just one problem: He’s very inconsistent.

A lot of things changes the way he thinks, from how is the weather when he wakes up, how is the conversation in his family in the morning, how is the news that he hears, to how he was treated at the local coffeeshop and what time it is in the month. And very-very often, he just does not want to do things. Or worse, he just picks up the phone and screams in my ear, telling me how bad my work is and how I will not make it and I should just give up like many of the people who did.

I suffered many times because of this guy, y’know. I did things that I know I shouldn’t or I didn’t do things that I know I should. I made a lot of bad choices just because he was in one of his days when I called him. I missed a lot of great opportunities, hurt and dissapoint a lot of important people in my life, and made my life going nowhere.

You think with such a crappy deal that I should just quit, right?

Unfortunately I cannot. It was made in such a way that I need to be with this guy for the rest of my life. The deal is kinda, y’know, forever. *sigh*

But lately I realized a truth that changes everything.

I realized that he actually do not have control of me.

Sure he could be loud and noisy and calls ten times a day, but he cannot strangle my hands and make me do things that I don’t want to do. I thought he can, but lately I realized he cannot.

So what did I do?

I listen to him on the good days, and I ignore him on the bad days.

You know one of those movie scenes when the call came and the guy just put the headset on the table and he just kept working? When it was a bad call, I did that.

And my life now, is pretty awesome. I made a lot better choices, my days are full of great work, opportunities abound, people respect me and trust me because I am a man of my word, and I live a life apart from his.

This is my life. I will not let Feelings taking it over.

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